There must be an actual 'Friendship Day' when you pay homage to your friends, but I don't know when that is. I'm going to call Sunday July 24 our Friendship Day.
Jenny and Christine have known each other for 24 years, since they began Special Education school together when they were both very young. Like the rest of us, life has taken them both different places. They ended up in different school program; my Jenny went into a group home 1 1/2 hours away from me, and then Christine went into a group home in another place. My life and children and grandchildren took me in one direction, and my friend Lori (Christine's mother) went in another because of her children and job. Even in our little area we can lose track of our friends. We lost track of Lori and Christine geographically, but never in our hearts.
Recently I ran into Lori and Christine at church, and we made plans for the girls to get together the next time Jenny came to my house for an overnight visit. That was Sunday, two days ago. Jenny and Christine haven't seen each other in six years.
Jenny doesn't speak (she says some baby words, but doesn't speak functionally). Christine has a severe hearing impairment along with her disability, that affects her speech, but love and friendship is way bigger than all that. The girls hugged and held hands and carried on a 'conversation' that was way above Lori's and my ability to follow. It's their own secret language. They looked at Jenny's collection of movies and recipe cards, and laid heads on each other's shoulders.
I have two disabled children who live in two different group homes now. They have good times and fun adventures that I must credit, but there are times (many times) when they have issues and incidents that take all my strength as a mother to work through and resolve, or know that I can't change. Lori has had the very same in Christine's group home placement. We both know what it's like to crawl into bed and curl up in anguish and cry, and feel like we can never fix this and nothing will ever be right again. There is nothing like the companionship of another single mother who is living the same life as you ~ loving a child that you can no longer take care of by yourself 24 hours a day.
I remember sitting in my surgeon's office one day. He had done my major back surgery years ago, and was preparing to do my knee replacement. I cried and told him that my heart was going to burst. I had both children in group home placements by then. I had pulled Jenny out of her first group home, after dealing with problems that I could not resolve, and kept her with me for five months. I was killing myself, trying to do all the physical work with her alone. I lived 15 miles out of town, and didn't even have a vehicle I could get her into. I knew what it all meant. I was going to have to place her again ~ for good. I told Dr. Davenport everything.
He sat in front of me and kept his head down and his hands folded while I talked and cried. He said, "It's a very, very sad day when we come to this point in time ~ when we realize that we're too old to do the things we've done all our lives ~ the things that mean the world to us." We talked and shared as doctor and patient, as parents of children we love, as people who had known each other for years and years, and as Christians who have the hope of a world way way bigger than this one. He ended by saying, "You and me Theresa ... you and me ain't no spring chickens anymore!" No doggone fooling!
Lori and I know this agony. Lori came to the point with Christine, also, where she could no longer physically or emotionally or financially take care of the precious girl she had always had with her. I can't tell you what it's like to put your baby ~ the one you used to carry in your arms ~ in a place where other people are giving them baths and enemas and medication, and doing all the direct care that we used to do.
Some children, like my Brian, are able to walk and use the bathroom himself, and (sort of) tell me what's going on and how he feels. Others, like Jenny and Christine, can really only express their emotions in their behaviors. Oh how terrible some of their behaviors can be. Lori and I got together and couldn't talk fast enough, sharing some of our experiences.
I have never been at a place in my life where I've appreciated good friends like I do today. To my friend Lori and Jenny's friend Christine, and to all my other friends who are such an important part of my life ~ I want to say how much I love you all.
May our perfect God bless you with all the wonderful things you deserve.
Yours truly Tia
No comments:
Post a Comment