Mastiffs & Chihuahuas

I had a dream last night about the new Chihuahua puppy my sister and her husband got yesterday. They live in Tucson, Arizona, where they have different kinds of ‘critters’ to be aware of than we do here in the hearty Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Vicki and Tom have to be on the lookout for snakes, spiders and lizardy things. I have deer, bear, bobcat and fox in the woods around my house. I’ve always thought that they should have a dog to help protect the house from unwelcome ‘visitors.’ I sure would if I lived there. Talking to Vicki last night about her new puppy Coco, reminded me of a time when I had four dogs.


I was lucky enough to spend some years raising mastiffs. I had two English Mastiffs and two Dogue de Bordeaux, French Mastiffs (‘Turner & Hooch’ dogs). Nix, Billy Rae, Ivan and Gertrude were about the best dogs a person could ever have. Yes they are as big as baby elephants and yes they do have heads the size of stop signs, but they’re as gentle and devoted a dog as you could ever hope to spend your days with.


I took all four of them many times in my little Tracker. They loved to ride in the car, and were content to lay down, as long as the car was moving. I remember going to a car wash, paying the attendant, and warning him that I had ‘dogs in the car.’ He looked a little confused and shook his head and said, "Ummm, okay." As he began to prewash my car and tires with a soapy broom, my babies decided to sit up and see what was going on. When all four heads came up at four windows, the poor guy almost had a heart attack. He jumped back and dropped the broom. He clutched his chest and laughed and yelled, "Those aren’t dogs! Those are dinosaurs! I bet nobody bothers you when they’re around!" He was right.


My mastiffs got a lot of attention in these parts, where hunting dogs are the most popular. People knew the house on the corner that had the four DOGS. They never barked, but their presence was undeniable. I took my safety from predators for granted, until one early morning ...


I was putting my daughter Jenny on the school bus at 6:45 AM. I left the glass sliding door open to the front porch, as I always did. My dogs never moved from their beds when I told them to stay. I had no fear of them running out the door, even though I lived on a very busy road. I waved to Jenny as her bus pulled away, and then went into the house, closed the sliding door and drapes, and went back to bed for a half hour.


When I got up, my four elephants ~ I mean dogs ~ were laying down, lined up in the dining room, facing the sliding door. They were about ten feet from the door, and watching intently. I asked them what was wrong, and told them that I thought I saw a scene like that in a horror movie once. I said, "Whatever is the matter with you guys this morning?" I pulled back the drapes and saw an enormous bullfrog inside the house, cowering by the door. He must have hopped up the wheelchair ramp and into the house, while the door was open and I was putting Jenny on the bus.


At first I didn’t believe he was real, as he was huge. I only had a moment to get brave and shoo him out of the house, because I was afraid that if he took one leap, he’d be on the other side of the room and I’d have a heck of a time picking him up.


I had over six hundred pounds of dog whimpering softly, watching me get the bullfrog out of the house. They may have saved my life in the face of a bear or an intruder, but not with that frog. They were scared to death. They were all lined up with their eyes bulging, which at least alerted me to something being wrong, but they weren’t going near it. Mastiffs are not hunters.


I spent the morning scolding them, calling them cowards and cement heads. They would look at me and hang their heads, then drop to the floor in puddles, as if they had nothing to live for. They were very remorseful when Mommie was upset with them. On the heals of a heartbreaking divorce and having to leave my home, I had to find new homes for my Nix, Billy Rae, Ivan and Gertie. How I loved them.


Last night I dreamed that Tom and Vicki’s new puppy ~ a Chihuahua, a mere morsel of a dog, compared to my mastiffs ~ yelped and yarped and danced in a circle like a mad dog, around a bullfrog that had found its way into their home. I’m not sure what she would do in the face of a man or bear, but she sure took care of that frog!


My dream reminded me of the good days in my life that I spent with four very special animals. In a perfect world I would have a much bigger house, two English Mastiffs and two Dogue de Bordeaux. And maybe one tiny Chihuahua, who could take care of the really ‘big’ problems!

Best & Easiest Meatloaf Meatballs Recipe

When I run into women and young girls who say they can't cook a thing, I tell them what my mother used to tell me ~ if you can make a good meatloaf, you can survive. That was a very long time ago, but meatloaf is still a favorite comfort food, and very versatile. This is what you need:

2 pounds good ground sirloin (or turkey or venison)

1 packet dry onion soup mix

1 egg

2-3 Tbsp. ketchup

6 saltine crackers

1/2 cup milk

1 cup raw coleslaw (or 1 can sauerkraut - well drained)

A few shakes of Mrs. Dash seasoning or black pepper

Soda crackers (or bread crumbs) are only for a little binder and flavor, and shouldn't be really noticeable. I love the old Andy of Mayberry episode where they were planning a party. Aunt Bee and Thelma Lou were making a list of what friends should bring what. They mentioned someone, and Barney recommended that they not invite her. The ladies scolded him, and he said, "Well, if she comes, she'll bring meatballs and they're always awful! They're 99% bread crumbs and 1% meat!"

Aunt Bee had to agree. She told Thelma Lou that the last time the friend had brought meatballs, they found them everywhere after the party ~ in potted plants, under the cushion of the couch and on the windowsills, behind draperies. Now we can't be having any of that! Your meatloaf (or meatballs) will be perfect, and everyone will fight over them. People will want you to come to their parties and bring your famous meatballs! And counting your crackers just makes good sense. We are making meatballs, after all, and not crackerballs.

Now take a big bowl and mix everything in it. The only way to do it right is to dig in and mix it with your hands. Of course your hands should be freshly washed before mixing, and immediately afterwards. Keep your hands and counters very clean when you're dealing with raw meat of any kind. Turn your oven onto 350* and let it preheat.

Don't say yuck about the raw coleslaw. It will cook down and become soft and just blend in. It will give your meatloaf a nice flavor and some extra fiber. If you substitute the drained sauerkraut for the coleslaw, it will also give it a wonderful flavor ~ even if you think you don't like sauerkraut! My fussy grandchildren have no idea how many extra vitamins they get in Grandma Tia's food, hehehee.

I like to use the little bread pans my mom bought me after Halloween one year. They're perfect for five individual meatloaves. You could also bake your meatloaf in a 9 x 9" pan, a round cake pan, or even muffin tins if you'd like. I don't like to bake mine in a regular sized bread pan, because by the time the meatloaf is cooked thoroughly in the middle, the top and edges are way too done.

After putting your meat mixture in the pan or pans of your choosing, press down well with a fork. I lay a piece of tinfoil on the top of each pan, to help the meat cook, without drying out the top. I'm all about easy clean-up, so I put my little bread pans on a large tin foil baking sheet, while they're in the oven. Any drips or juices will stay on the pan, and not your oven.

I bake my loaves for 35 minutes, then remove the tin foil from the tops, and cook another 5 minutes. Your oven may cook faster or slower than mine, so just make sure they're cooked inside and not pink. Take them out of the oven and let them sit for a few minutes. There will be juice or liquid in your cooking pans, but don't be alarmed. It's not all 'fat' from the meat. Your liquid ingredients will create moisture while baking. Take two forks and lift each of your little meatloaves out of their cooking pans, and set them on a clean plate or rack to cool.

To make meatballs, I use a tablespoon and scoop out each ball of meat mixture, and roll it in my hands. Before I started doing that, I would have miniature meatballs, medium sized and monster meatballs. After using the tablespoon, I found that I could make them all very close to the same size. I use a cookie sheet to bake meatballs on. I take some tin foil and krinkle it up a little, and lay it on the sheet, so the meatballs don't sit directly on the cookie sheet. That helps the meatballs cook all the way through, without burning on the bottom.

Bake them at 350*, just like the meatloaf, and don't cover them. You can make any sized meatballs you want, and start checking them at 25 minutes. Big meatballs might have to cook another ten minutes or so. Just make sure they're gray and not pink inside.

I like to slice the meatloaves that I'm going to freeze. That way they're ready to use, in any amount you need. Meatloaf can be used in so many recipes that would call for ground beef. You can cut it into cubes for chili, spaghetti, lasagna or any casserole you would put cooked hamburger in. You can cover the sliced meatloaf with a brown gravy, and add some sauteed onions and green peppers for your own version of salisbury steak. If you have meatloaf in the freezer, you always have a fast meal waiting for you.

Happy cooking, you gorgeous meatloaf ~ meatball maker, you!

Yours Truly Tia